Watson to Japanese whalers: "please send some sushi over stop. We are a bit hungry stop."
Sea Shepherd skipper Steve Watson has made a plea to Japan's whaling fleet as he chases them around the frigid Southern Ocean: "please send some sushi over to our boat, we are a bit hungry."
"It's hungry work doing all this protesting about something-or-other. I just thought we could help each other out here in the deep, dark Southern Ocean. In the spirit of international friendship. I've heard Japanese sushi is among the best in the world. Perhaps they could courier a few packs of it over. I'd wire them the money for it."
"These bits of tin are a poor sushi substitute."
- Watson.
Local obese woman spies unattended plate of chips.
--USA Today--
A local obese woman, Ms Meridith Cramshanker aged 23 of Pittsburgh, Detroit has reported that yesterday she spied an unattended plate of chips at a political rally. "I ran over and immediately scoffed the whole fucking lot" said the visibly elated porcine foodfucker.
Ms Meridith Cramshanker at the political rally.
"I often hang around these homo conventions to scab food" continued Ms Cramshanker. "Stupid cunts wander off for a piss and it's then that I make my play. Fuck, I get hungry at times. At all times."
Entire Boeing fleet grounded by pilot's impromptu "smoko time"
The entire worldwide Boeing 787 fleet of airliners have been grounded indefinitely after it emerged that
Australian pilot Mr Bruce Saint lit up a "durry" in the cockpit at 33,000 feet while flying over Tokyo, Japan.
"Look mate, big fucking deal. Trade union regulations clearly stipulate that I am allowed a fucking smoko break. So what if we were at 33,000 feet, the fat cunt is on autopilot and I'm usually rooting the stewardesses in here at that time anyway. Eh? No, I do not want to play on the fucking slide now. I am still on my smoko break. Now piss off."
--Mr Saint.
"Big fuckin' deal, I've got
spycams in the sheila's
bogs too."
--Mr Saint.
Local psycho awaiting nightfall.
--RST--
A local psycho is said to be sitting around at a local park awaiting nightfall.
"Yes", said the potentially murderous nutjob. "I am just sitting here awaiting nightfall."
The psycho in question, alone with his murderous thoughts of blood and intrigue.
The park is a known haven for wildlife including black insects, tree grubs and dick worms.
Pope leaves his penis in ex-comfort woman's mouth.
--Seoul Times--
The Pope, The Rt.Hon John Paul Jones III, has today reportedly left his male sexual organ inside the mouth of a Korean ex-comfort woman. The episode occurred at a church service in Korea.
The Pope was supposed to be administering blessings but, seemingly on an impulse, he decided to administer the ballsack. When confronted afterwards about the peculiar communion the Pope was unapologetic and dismissed criticism by saying "my son, sometimes the cock is divine."
"Look at the hole, slut. It's why they call me 'Your Holiness'."
"Oh, don't mind him" said one of his aides (pictured above, on the left). "He does this all the time. He left the thing in my mouth once. Overnight. An all-nighter. Then he woke up and laughed it off saying "oops! There it is! I was wondering where that old thing was, haha."
The comfort woman was unavailable for comment although, on the positive side, she seems to have completely forgotten why it was she went to the church in the first fuckin' place."
Local Envoy irate over racist bar.
--RST--
Local Envoy Dr Bruce Saint has lodged a formal complaint to authorities over what he has claimed to be is a "pro-semitic" bar.
The offending bar in question.
Mr Saint: highly offended.
"I'm no fuckin' nazi mate" said Mr Saint, "but I reckon only letting jews into some bar is a bit rough. Where am I supposed to go if I want a fuckin' drink? The fuckin' abo's bar? The lebbo's bar? The poofs bar? The fuckin' thumped poles bar? Gizza fuckin' drink ya racist jew cunts!
Mr Saint: thirsty for
a drink ya fuckin' cunt.
"And what does that "Experimental Kitchen" shit mean anyway?" went on Mr Saint. "What, are the stroppy jews chopping up fuckin nazi cocks back there? Having a burl on ol' Hans' nationalmannschaft? 'Jewish hot dogs on special today?' Bit of experimentation on poor old Gunter's ballmeat? Bit of jewite spag bol on the menu?................... gizza fuckin' look then! I'm as hungry as I am thirsty!"
Mr Saint: hungry
for some nazi cock.
Japan's renaming of disputed islands "completely mad'' says China.
--Beijing (AFP —
China’s state media on Sunday slammed Japan’s move to rename 5 islands at the edge of its territorial waters. "The islands already have Chinese names, you panasonic-faced cuntheads" said China's Premiere Dr Wang Fuk.
"FUCKING UGLY CUNTS."
--Dr Wang, yesterday.
On Friday Japan's government gave the 5 uninhabited islands the following names:
- New Burma.
- Chinaman's Cove.
- Burmese Toilet.
- Nanking AKB48.
- Hello Kitty Litter.
In the foreground is "Burmese Toilet". In the distance is "Hello Kitty Litter".
“They Just Renamed One Of Our Fuckhead Islands As 'Nanking AKB48'” was the headline of a commentary in China’s state-run news agency Xinhua. "They are cunts. All of them" said the byline.
"ALL. CUNTS. ALL OF THEM."
